conscious parenting tips

Have you heard the phrase conscious parenting and wondered what it means? I was introduced to the parenting style this time last year and over the past year both my husband and I have really tried to practice it, some call it gentle parenting. It is not always easy! Ultimately it is understanding ones own inner-self and how we project the years of our own experiences on our parenting of our children and even our partners.

So in June 2022 enter my journey onto a conscious parenting programme run by a lady called Jenn Reilly. Full disclosure Jenn is now my coach/therapist. I am a huge fan of her work and although this post is not to discuss her in particular she is running the programme again in the coming months and I highly recommend it.

I just want to share how I came to my own conscious parenting, and my own inner exploration which I feel has made me live my life in more fulfillment.

So why would I not want to pass that info on in case others want to as well!

Being as I work part-time for a vertical learning leadership development company, being that I am a life coach and I am a mother of one. It is fair to say I do spend a lot of my time looking inward at myself, others and paid to do so. So my interest in the space has developed, changed and grow over time and exponentially since Thomas was born.

Since moving to Hong Kong five years ago and re-training as a coach I have forever wondered what goes on for people in their thoughts and what drives their decisions. The self-help industry is worth “$10.5 billion as of 2020” - https://wordsrated.com/self-help-books-statistics/ so it goes without saying is not too difficult to find an avenue that can help and support you. I plan to post about some books on here I am reading, I like to book snack, sometimes I personally find self help books over whelming so I read bits and then try a fiction and then go back to it when I am ready.

Key aspects to conscious parenting:

Reciprocal parenting - The more traditional parenting style is compliance base parenting where the children are told what to do but reciprocal parenting is where the learning loop runs through the parent and child and they are treating each other as equals (with of course the parent ensuring the child’s safety through boundaries are held).

Role modelling - You child is watching everything you do, so if you are hoping/asking them to behave in a certain way, do you role model this behaviour yourself? Be their role model.

Stages of development - Understanding that we need to meet the child where they are at developmentally. Expectations of a two year old should be different to a three year old. If we appreciate the children might not be ready for certain things then our reactions to their behaviours will be understanding. Stages of human development can found here: https://www.stagesinternational.com/roadmap - These stages where what the conscious programme I went out use.

Regulation vs dysregulation - I had never heard of this phrase before but essentially when our children are dysregulated they need us as their carers to be regulated so we can help them through their state at that time. You can actually co-regulate with your partner and your child depending on their age and what they understand. A toddler for example will regularly get dysregulated (tantrums is an example) it is for us as the parent who know how to manage our emotions to help them get back to a regulated state and we can only do this from a regulated space ourselves. More info can be found here: https://www.mysocialife.com/raising-a-parent-what-it-means-to-consciously-parent/

Triggers - Notice your own triggers and what might have triggered your child. Knowing your own triggers and your child’s can hopefully prevent as many meltdowns.

Some interesting conscious parenting Instagram accounts should you be on the lookout for some regular social advice:

@_theconsciousparent
@conscious.parent
@mindfulmess.mom
@mrchazz
@raisingwholeness

If you want to go on this journey but don’t know where to start I can help point you in the right direction.